Kilicho mtoa kanga manyoya...

Kikuyus have a saying "Ngukuonia Nganga Mbute"

Swahilis say " Nitakuonyesha kilichomtoa kanga manyoya"

And I have been thinking why compare these mathinas ( big problems) with a small helpless, barely flightless bird... What could it have gone through? Well , today you get your answer old friend.

I am convinced that my experiences are akin to what the guinea fowl may have seen and gone through, but that is a story for another day.

Today, I tell you about that time me and my homeboy Eli hunted a domesticated guinea fowl for 3hrs as we looked to please our palatable palates. It was quite the ordeal.

Well, first of all,as the name may suggest to you great foodies with dedicated IG accounts,a guinea fowl is a delicious animal. One of God's top notch delicacies. For those of us who are adventurous when it comes to having a palatable palate, it is the caviar of fowl creatures in taste and flavor.

Anywho, If I can recall. It was chilly. One of those unsure days where the weather is trying to decide between autumn and winter. There was a chilly late afternoon breeze coupled with a chance of precipitation (that's what the weather guy calls rain).It must have been around December and we had just had our way with a pet goat the previous day. No... no... no... not that thing Arabs do to/with their pet goats (google is your friend too) , the other one where we grill it over hearth fire and have our fill over a traditional brew. For this day, We had ourselves some Moonshine (Corn Liqour) and some sweet Grape Wine. Given, we were a little tipsy.

We had spent the whole day riding around with big bro , (lets call him Chuckie), in the great American South. Travelling to the far and yonder in the deep country, where the accent gets musical as you creep in to the country.We were riding around looking for goats for sale to no eventful success.

Well, so on this day, we had just got back from our daily endless runs and had managed to bring back a small goat for the holidays. It was indeed small, as I learnt it was a Pygmy goat. So me and my brother Eli are complaining that the goat is tooo small to fill three grown men and as Eli cringed his face to the disappointment, A beautiful guinea fowl strutted majestically in front of us , swaying its wings in a manner only mastered by the peacock. I could see its pride as I looked at it with its hue-ish blue neck and dotted feathers. It was indeed a sight.

As it walked across the murram like field littered with hickory leaves, and dried pine corns, it gave me a sharp look with its beady eyes as if to say F you. If you know guinea fowls, they are arrogant and boastful. It was cock sure that today was a good day to strut and skedaddle aimlessly in front of two very hungry and tired men.

After all the guinea fall had a beautifully quilted coat which seemed to have a glossy matte black finish with speckled dots over its coat. It looked like the stars that twinkle in the sky when it pitch black in the night. or maybe we were just really hungry.

What makes Ngangas to be so hard to catch is that they fly at will. A Guinea fowl can fly but it chooses to walk. Probably to show off its beautiful coat. It will jump around then take flight and leap to the tallest tree then make a daunting chirp as if to say, "Come Back, Come back, Come back, Come and get me noooooooowwwww." It sounds like how the hyena sounds when having a hysterical laugh. The mockery of it all.

We 'danced' around with the fowl as it seemed to be having fun. However, for me, it was seemingly another story of the one that got away. The day I lost a chance at pleasing my palate. I was loosing hope and confidence in our ability to catch this little rascal.

All of a sudden, Eli shouts at me with conviction only seen in the Steven Seagal movies.

"Mzeiya, Wachana nayo nikuonyeshe venye tutaifanya. Kaa ngangari"

We were plotting on this little braggadocios fool.

Eli grabs the proverbial ten foot pole, I think, and gives a side eye to the little sucker. He then walks away as if to tell the bird, you win, Little did the foolish fowl know, we was fed up with them games. We was getting serious fam.

As he cautiously walks away, he makes a 360 degree turn and abruptly strikes the fowl on the head.The fowl lets out a loud scream as if to say, " Sorry, Sorrrrry, Soooooory, Am soooooooooo sorry " As the fowl trips from the shock of being hit with the element of surprise, I let out a loud laugh of joy. The mythical kibogoyo who gets a tooth kind of joy. The matako crying 'Mbwata" kind of joy. I was sassing the little sucker. I was happy indeed. I still wasn't sure we would get him.

As the Kanga recollects its mind to take flight, Eli takes flight with finesse akin to Shawn Michaels in the WWE, the heart break kid

.In a mili second Eli was John Cena. The stupid fowl didn't see him coming.

He grabbed the little basket case by the neck and twisted its hue blue neck and with authority and dedication, he shouts, "Wekelea maji, hii leo itakiona cha mtema kuni" and the rest was history.

And as Eli tried to catch a breathe after 3hrs of nostalgic plotting and a successful hunt he decided he wanted a quilted hat made from the beautiful fowls feathers. And then he proceeded to pluck this wannabe wild chicken's feathers slowly by slowly, as if to taunt Jeremy (The Fowls name) of our accomplishment.

And that my friends was the day I ate the most delicious Guinea Fowl.

Na hicho ndicho klilichomtoa kanga manyoya.Ujinga na kutukejeli.

That sarcastic nonchalant bastard had it coming.

Kanga alikiona cha mtema kuni.